Here are a few stories of my close calls with the animal kingdom.
Bear necessities
‘Exit, pursued by a bear’ is the most famous stage direction in theatrical history. It comes in Act III of Shakespeare’s The Winter’s Tale, and I know exactly how Antigonus felt…!
I had my very own close encounter with a bear when I went to Brooks Falls in Alaska in July 2015.
I was there to photograph brown bears catching salmon, but Brooks Camp doesn’t have any fences, so I had to go to ‘Bear School’ to learn how to look after myself.
It wasn’t easy to learn how not to get eaten by a bear as everything seemed so counter-intuitive:
When you’re walking through the forest, make as much noise as possible.
If you see a bear, don’t run away.
If you’re attacked by a bear, don’t fight back.
None of that made much sense to me, but I sat through the two-hour lecture and video and earned my ‘bear pin’ to prove it.
They didn’t let anyone go to the viewing points without that little button, so it was my most treasured possession for the following week!
Anyway, one day, I packed up some of my stuff in a bag and walked over to the luggage store to drop it off for the day.
When I walked round the corner of one of the buildings, I was faced with a mother bear and her cub no more than 10 yards away!
Not the place to be at the best of times - bears can run faster than Usain Bolt, and mother bears can be very protective of their cubs.
I tried to remember what I’d been taught in bear school, but all I could think of was ‘Run away, run away!”
In the end, I stopped and slowly crept back behind the wall of the building until I was out of sight, and then I pegged it as fast as I could!
I think that’s the only time I’ve ever run away from anyone or anything in my life, but I think I had a good excuse!
Bear with me
That wasn’t the only time I got into trouble with the bears at Brooks Falls.
On another occasion, I walked to the waterfall very early, around seven in the morning.
When I got to the bleachers to set up my camera, I met a lady from Norway and ended up showing her some pictures on my laptop.
We were the only two people there, and it was so quiet and peaceful you could have heard a pin drop.
We were sitting on a wooden bench just next to a short flight of three or four steps down into the wilderness, but there was a red rope across it to warn people not to go down there.
As we talked, an enormous 600 kilo male grizzly ambled past the steps only a few feet away.
We looked at him.
He looked at us…and carried on walking past.
Phew!
I guess they must teach the bears etiquette over there because he obviously knew that he shouldn’t be using the steps when the rope was across the entrance…!
Silverback
Another animal I had a run-in with was the male gorilla, or silverback.
Gorillas are herbivores, but they’re big animals, and the males can weigh over 200 kilos - which is three times my bodyweight!
Anyway, I was in Rwanda back in 2015 again, trekking up the wooded slopes of a volcano to see a troop of gorillas when our guide suddenly told the whole group to stand back from the path.
A silverback was coming through!
Now, we’d been told that the minimum safe distance with gorillas was seven metres and that we all had to issue a special call - like clearing our throats - to reassure the gorillas when we first saw any, but here we were all lined up next to the path while an enormous silverback strolled past!
If he’d been in a bad mood and wanted to break one of our arms or legs, that wouldn’t have been a problem for him, but fortunately he passed by without causing any trouble.
Phew (again)!
I told one of my friends this story when we got back to camp, and she told me a similar story - but with a different ending!
She had been assigned to a different group with a very annoying American tourist who was constantly chatting away at the top of his voice, and her patience was wearing a bit thin when they got close to the gorillas….
And the same thing happened.
The guide told them all to stand back from the path to let a silverback through, and the gorilla walked past the whole group - until he came to the American.
All of a sudden - for no reason at all - the silverback shot out a fist and thumped the guy in the balls!
The American dropped to his knees in agony, but the rest of the group were just trying to stop laughing…!
I think justice was done, don’t you…?
Bull elephant
Africa can be a dangerous place, and I had another narrow escape over there on my very first safari in Laikipia in Kenya.
The group I was in had been watching a herd of elephants from a treetop walkway, but then our guide Nick suggested that we get back into our Toyota Landcruisers and drive round the other side of the wood so that we could get a better view.
I ended up getting a ride with Nick, and we eventually found a spot that allowed us to watch the elephants again.
They were browsing for food and not doing much, but a bull elephant suddenly turned towards us, looked me right in the eye and charged towards the car!
My heart rate jumped to about 120 beats a minute, but I was frozen in my seat while Nick just carried on watching, as calm as you like!
The elephant started off only about 25 yards away, and he was charging towards us.
Unfortunately, I was on the side of the vehicle nearest him, so I was going to get the worst of it!
And then, when the elephant was only about 10 yards away, he suddenly stopped and carried on munching leaves.
Phew (again)!
“That was close,” I said to Nick, my heart still in my mouth.
“Nah,” he said. “That was just a fake charge.”
“What do you mean a fake charge?”
“He was just trying to scare us.”
“How could you tell?”
“He stuck his ears out. When they do that, it means they’re just kidding. It’s when they pin their ears back and put their heads down that you know they’re serious.”
“Well, it looked pretty convincing to me,” I said, still trying to get my breath back.
Lioness
They say the lion is the king of the jungle, but it’s really just a big old scaredy-cat!
They’re generally more frightened of us than we should be of them, and I once managed to chase a male lion away just by standing up too quickly!
However, there are always exceptions, and one of them came along when I was on safari in Botswana.
It was the ‘golden hour’ just before sunset, and I was driving around with just a guide with me when we spotted a pride of lions.
One of them was a Female, and she’d lain down on the track for a bit of a rest.
My guide drove past and stopped the car while I took a few pictures, including this one.
We were only about five yards away, but the problem was that the lioness was behind us, so I had to twist round and get into a rather awkward and painful position to be able to get any shots.
I was in the middle of doing this when my guide suddenly said, “Stop! Don’t move!”
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m just watching the lioness. I think she might do something.”
I was very nervous as it was the first time anything like this had ever happened to me, and I was now in a LOT of pain.
My back was in agony, but I just had to grin and bear it until finally the guide said, “Okay, it’s fine now.”
Phew (again)!
Arachnophobia
My final close call wasn’t on a photography trip at all, but it was probably the most nerve-racking.
I spent my year out in Amarilo, Texas, and I spent a lot of time at a Baptist church there.
They had lots of social activities, and I started playing volleyball in the church hall on Tuesday nights.
One Tuesday, one of the players brought in his pet tarantula in a polystyrene McDonald’s burger box!
He trapped it under a glass cube that was missing one side and showed it to everyone before we played volleyball.
After we’d finished, everyone left - including the guy who’d brought the tarantula!
I tried to call him, but nobody answered, so I was left with the tarantula all on my own.
I decided to put it back in the burger box and give it back to the guy in the car park.
Big mistake!
I thought it would be easy. It would be just like trapping a house spider. I’d slide a piece of paper under the box, turn it upside down so the open side was uppermost, wait until the spider climbed one of the walls and then grab it with the burger box.
It didn’t quite turn out that way!
Once I’d turned the box upside down, the spider didn’t move a muscle, so I couldn’t reach it with the burger box.
I waited, one hand holding the sheet of paper in place and the other holding the burger box, ready to seize my chance.
Suddenly, the tarantula jumped, hitting my hand through the paper!
I’d never been so shocked in all my life! I hadn’t realised that tarantulas could jump, and my heart was racing.
I had to take a minute just to calm down, then I tried again.
This time, I tilted the glass box to make it easier, and I finally managed to snag the spider.
Phew (again)!
I ran outside and found the owner getting into his car.
“You forgot your tarantula,” I said, handing him the box.
I thought British understatement was the order of the day….
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